Today's argument was over breakfast...
I'm not a big breakfast eater...
He was making breakfast for him and the kids.
I thought for a moment I wanted some eggs.
I went to the sink to wash one of the many pots and pans that he had managed to fith up the day before. When I reached in the sink and pulled out the sponge that smelled like complete and total asshole, I decided it wasn't worth it. I set it and the frying pan down and walked away. He began to pick a fight with me because I didn't want to wash a pan and I didn't really feel like eating.
Sorry, the stench from the sponge does that to me.
Had you listened to me just one of the 500,000,000,000,000 times that I have asked you to wring out the sponge and set it to dry so IT WON'T SMELL LIKE ROTTING ASSHOLE, maybe I wouldn't have lost my fucking appetite.
But, then again...what do I know?

On a side note....yesterday after he made dinner, he loaded the dishwasher. Bravo.
But, (and I knew he was going to do this because this is just his half ass way of life) he didn't put the soap in and run it. He said to me yesterday, "the dishwasher is full" as he was standing there loading the last of the dinner plates. I thought to myself, "Even though he NEVER EVER puts the soap in and runs the dish washer, I'm not going to tell him to put the soap in because he will either tell me I treat him like he is stupid or something and it will turn into a fight". So, I didn't say a word. And as par for the course.... he didn't put the soap in. SO now the sink is full of dirty dishes and pots and pan for me to clean.

I don't get it. My dad has always been the bread winner in the family. My step-mom never worked. Yet, my dad helped around the house. He realized that my step-mom couldn't, nor should she have to, do it all on her own. I don't understand why my husband feels the need to bitch about helping out. Yesterday, I cleaned the bathrooms, did 3 loads of laundry, emptied the dish washer, did my homework, took care of my 16 month old daughter, fed dinner to and took my 8 year old son to baseball practice. I was a bit rushed before we left as I had to get the baby ready, make sure her bag was packed full of baby essentials, make sure my son was fed and dressed and go. I didn't have time to put the dishes in the dish washer and when we got home I was wiped-out and went straight to bed. I hear my husband start to curse and complain about the dishes in the sink. It amazes me how much of a slob this man was when I met him. He was, in one word, disgusting. Before I went back to school and before I had the baby, I was able to clean the house like a full time job. I had hardly any responsibilities other than making sure my son was taken care of. But now, I am not able to be a full time maid, as I am also a student and new Mama. He became used to a clean house and used to not having to do anything but come home from work and sit his ass on the couch and watch TV. I took care of all the cooking and cleaning. Now, that I need his help, I have to hear him bitch about it all the time. How frustrating.

Just ONE weekend, is all I would like. JUST ONE! One weekend with out me having to ask. With out him being pissed off that he has to participate in the rearing of his children. Shit man, damn! I know I am the stay-at-home-mom, but I am not a servant.
His shitty moods make me have shitty moods. I used to be happy and smile all of the time.
Now, sometimes I wonder if it would be better if we weren't together.

This morning... sucked. He seemed to have woken up in one of his "fun" moods. The kind where every question I ask gets an answer of "No" regardless of what the question is, which then causes me to get irritated and want to scream at him. I don't scream at him, though. I just end up feeling like I hate him and I don't want to be around him.

As he was taking out daughter out of her high chair, this morning, he some how managed to bite his tongue or lip, or some part of his mouth. His response was "JESUS FUCK! I JUST BIG MY FUCKING _______!!!!"" I didn't hear what it was because I turned around and told him to "Shut-up", as he did not need to be swearing like that in the face of our daughter, who is just learning to talk. With the frequency that this man uses the "F" word, she is likely to think it's her name.

I have asked him a million times to not swear in front of her... but, as par for the course, he doesn't give a "fuck" and continues to do it, making me like him even less. At this moment there is nothing more I would like to do then be lounging in my bed. However, he is home and doing just so... I have no desire to share company with him. I am off to go lay on the living room floor.

After various attempt to communicate with me to no avail, my lovely spouse drove his ass home from work today for lunch. We proceeded to discuss our current dilema and I assured him that he didn't want to be married to someone that felt the constant need to yell at him and I didn't want to be married to someone that felt the need to do things that resulted in me yelling at him. He agreed, once again, that he will change his ways and that he will work towards being a better man. He asked me what it is about his behaivor that make me want to hang my self from my toenails and pour salt in my eyes as an alternative to deal with his drama.

I suggested that a little help around the house might be a good place to start. "Pick your dirty ass underwear up from behind the bathroom door and maybe rinse his dinner plate off instead of throwing it in the sink to wreak until I can get to it." I think was an exact quote. I also mentioned that it would be nice if he didn't bring his work-related-stress home and take it out on me and the kids and that he stop doing things to upset me on purpose. He is magical with this ability. Ask the man a simple question and be prepared to pull your hair out trying to get a descent response. Not.Fair. I also suggested that he parent a little more as they are his children, too. I reminded him how he may work a lot but my job NEVER stops. I don't "get weekends off, I am on call 24/7" And lastly, I suggested that he try and have JUST ONE GOOD DAY, where he doesn't come home in a shitty mood. A smile or two would be nice.

I love him and I don't want to end up divorced because I end up hating him because of his behaivor. He is a good man. He has not, nor will he ever cheat. He is not the type. He works hard to earn a living so that I can be an at home mom. I have returned to school to earn a degree in accounting so that one day HE can be at home with the kids, as he has said he would love to do. I would not mind being the bread winner one day. He would deserve such a break from the work world to do something that he maybe enjoys, instead of it being something he HAS to do. I just want to be recognized as a woman and a wife. Not a maid and a baby sitter.

Wish us luck. I will let you know how it goes.

After I posted lastnight, I went in to go to sleep. I found that my loving husband had threw my pillow and blankets on the floor and laid at a diagonal across the bed so that I had no room to sleep. I took my blanket and pillow and went into my daughter's room to sleep in her bed. But, first, I took off my wedding ring and attached it to his key chain. I woke up this morning with the sandard issue I-have-been-a-prick-again-message of "I love you" written on the dry erase board. You sure loved me lastnight didn't you?
I know not what to do. But, I do know that this shit can't keep up for the rest of my life.

Today, my husband told me he was going to try and change his ways from being a selfish asshole. This past Monday, I asked him to accompany me to the beach with our daughter and out-of-town guests, who happen to be my sister and her husband. I know the man hates to go to the beach. However, the only other time I have ever asked him to go, was when my friend from Chicago came to visit two years ago and this time. I LOVE to go to the beach. I never ask him to go for me, just for the guests since he is practically native to this area and I am a transplant not so good with directions. I spent the entire morning packing for the beach, feeding and caring for our daughter, as well as preparing the marinade for the chicken fajitas I planned on making when we returned. He never once got out of bed to help. He laid there until almost 1pm when it was time to go. After picking a fight with me about the best route to travel he mustered him self out of bed a farted around until the car was loaded and all he had to do was get in the vehicle. He’s such a host, isn’t he? We get to the beach and unload. As I was setting out the blanket and putting up the umbrella, AFTER I asked him to wait for me to take our daughter to the water's edge so that I can see her reaction to her first visit to the Gulf of Mexico, I look over and there he is with her at the edge as she feels, for the first time, sand in her toes and salty cold water splash at her little legs. Thanks for the consideration. I was so excited to take her too and see her face. That would have made my day. Instead, my sister and her husband had to witness all of this. So, I walked down to the water and told him that he was “fucking inconsiderate.”

We both kind of dropped it and moved on, until he start’s with the inquisition as to why I didn’t bring the dark tanning lotion. Hmmm…geee, let me think…. Could it be because I was A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED WITH PACKING EVERY FUCKING THING ELSE WE NEEDED FOR THE TRIP WHILE YOU LAID ON YOUR ASS?

We get home from the beach and I am covered with sugar sand. I feel like my clothes are made of sandpaper. I let the guests shower first and request to my spouse that he shower with the baby as it is so much faster for him to just hold her while I scrub than drawing a bath for her. He obliges me. I get her cleaned, dried, diapered, dressed and combed and am off to clean the kitchen to prepare for the cooking of the night's meal. Off to the store the guests go to pick up some things and I grab a quick shower. My sister and I begin to make an appetizer of nachos. The whole while my sister and her husband are in the kitchen helping me cook, my husband is lying in the bedroom watching TV, yet, again folks, great hosting skills in action. I asked him if he planned on gracing us with his company. He said his one of three famous responses to such a question, “In a minute.”

“Ok, see you then.”

The nachos are done and waiting for his arrival. As par for the course, they were served some salsa, Pico de Gallo to be exact. The husband makes the comment to me regarding said Pico de Gallo that “this stuff is hot.” In My Opinion it wasn’t and I stated that. And what was his response? He says “Oh, of course its not, you’re right.” (In the not so nicey-nice tone) W.T.F.? I’m RIGHT? It was AN. OPINION. I believe I had said it in a not so nicey-nice tone right back under my breath. He walked away from the table and into the bed-room to resume lying on his ass. Whatever. That was fun trying to explain why he is in the room watching TV instead of eating with our guests.

So, today as we were IM-ing each other on yahoo, he proclaims that he is mean and should be nicer because he loves us yada, yada, yada, like I have heard a half of dozen times before. The day seemed brighter as I was looking forward to a new interaction between my spouse and me. He never seems to have a good day and rarely smiles. He always seems to be in a foul mood and it is very contagious. I told him how he made me feel and told him that if we keep on this way we will never last.

Just a few moments ago we were lying in bed. He asked why I had used his body spray in the bathroom. I made it stink in there and I thought it would smell better than the alternative. I mentioned that he should use his cologne which I think smells 100000000X’s better than that nasty Axe shit. He didn’t respond so I repeated myself thinking he didn’t hear me. Still no response, so I said “Hello.” So, he jumps my shit. “I HEARD YOU, YOU SAID IT TWICE”,

Well you Fucking Asshole, MAYBE if you RESPONDED, or even just FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGED me with a grunt, I WOULDN’T HAVE to FUCKING REPEAT myself!

On top of that, I have removed his dirty underwear from behind the bathroom door EVERY day this week. I am not a wife. I’m a fucking baby sitter and a maid.


Happy Fucking New Year to you too.