Today, my husband told me he was going to try and change his ways from being a selfish asshole. This past Monday, I asked him to accompany me to the beach with our daughter and out-of-town guests, who happen to be my sister and her husband. I know the man hates to go to the beach. However, the only other time I have ever asked him to go, was when my friend from Chicago came to visit two years ago and this time. I LOVE to go to the beach. I never ask him to go for me, just for the guests since he is practically native to this area and I am a transplant not so good with directions. I spent the entire morning packing for the beach, feeding and caring for our daughter, as well as preparing the marinade for the chicken fajitas I planned on making when we returned. He never once got out of bed to help. He laid there until almost 1pm when it was time to go. After picking a fight with me about the best route to travel he mustered him self out of bed a farted around until the car was loaded and all he had to do was get in the vehicle. He’s such a host, isn’t he? We get to the beach and unload. As I was setting out the blanket and putting up the umbrella, AFTER I asked him to wait for me to take our daughter to the water's edge so that I can see her reaction to her first visit to the Gulf of Mexico, I look over and there he is with her at the edge as she feels, for the first time, sand in her toes and salty cold water splash at her little legs. Thanks for the consideration. I was so excited to take her too and see her face. That would have made my day. Instead, my sister and her husband had to witness all of this. So, I walked down to the water and told him that he was “fucking inconsiderate.”

We both kind of dropped it and moved on, until he start’s with the inquisition as to why I didn’t bring the dark tanning lotion. Hmmm…geee, let me think…. Could it be because I was A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED WITH PACKING EVERY FUCKING THING ELSE WE NEEDED FOR THE TRIP WHILE YOU LAID ON YOUR ASS?

We get home from the beach and I am covered with sugar sand. I feel like my clothes are made of sandpaper. I let the guests shower first and request to my spouse that he shower with the baby as it is so much faster for him to just hold her while I scrub than drawing a bath for her. He obliges me. I get her cleaned, dried, diapered, dressed and combed and am off to clean the kitchen to prepare for the cooking of the night's meal. Off to the store the guests go to pick up some things and I grab a quick shower. My sister and I begin to make an appetizer of nachos. The whole while my sister and her husband are in the kitchen helping me cook, my husband is lying in the bedroom watching TV, yet, again folks, great hosting skills in action. I asked him if he planned on gracing us with his company. He said his one of three famous responses to such a question, “In a minute.”

“Ok, see you then.”

The nachos are done and waiting for his arrival. As par for the course, they were served some salsa, Pico de Gallo to be exact. The husband makes the comment to me regarding said Pico de Gallo that “this stuff is hot.” In My Opinion it wasn’t and I stated that. And what was his response? He says “Oh, of course its not, you’re right.” (In the not so nicey-nice tone) W.T.F.? I’m RIGHT? It was AN. OPINION. I believe I had said it in a not so nicey-nice tone right back under my breath. He walked away from the table and into the bed-room to resume lying on his ass. Whatever. That was fun trying to explain why he is in the room watching TV instead of eating with our guests.

So, today as we were IM-ing each other on yahoo, he proclaims that he is mean and should be nicer because he loves us yada, yada, yada, like I have heard a half of dozen times before. The day seemed brighter as I was looking forward to a new interaction between my spouse and me. He never seems to have a good day and rarely smiles. He always seems to be in a foul mood and it is very contagious. I told him how he made me feel and told him that if we keep on this way we will never last.

Just a few moments ago we were lying in bed. He asked why I had used his body spray in the bathroom. I made it stink in there and I thought it would smell better than the alternative. I mentioned that he should use his cologne which I think smells 100000000X’s better than that nasty Axe shit. He didn’t respond so I repeated myself thinking he didn’t hear me. Still no response, so I said “Hello.” So, he jumps my shit. “I HEARD YOU, YOU SAID IT TWICE”,

Well you Fucking Asshole, MAYBE if you RESPONDED, or even just FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGED me with a grunt, I WOULDN’T HAVE to FUCKING REPEAT myself!

On top of that, I have removed his dirty underwear from behind the bathroom door EVERY day this week. I am not a wife. I’m a fucking baby sitter and a maid.


Happy Fucking New Year to you too.