two god damn years... it has been almost 2 years since I started this blog.
For the first time today I got mad at him for reasons I have never been mad at him before.
I was pissed off and picked a fight with him about his myspace gf (the girl who likes to call and talk to him about her private parts). I don't care that he likes her, I don't care that she wants him. Good for them. Maybe he finally will fucking be happy instead of the perpetual miserable prick I have known for 4+ years.
I got pissed off today because his inablility to be the man and father that he should have has caused my daughter to start to think that it is her fault that he and I argue.
Case in point: Asshole works like 38579235 hours a day. Ok, more like 12-15. NOW, I KNOW he is busting his hump and that he deserves time to relax when he gets home. He commented that he was going to wait until the kids were in bed before he started playing that fucking Xbox.
But, as par for the course, he started at like 8pm when they weren't even ready for bed.
Fast forward 2 hours. Mind you he has spent NO time with his son and only 45 minutes with his daughter while I was at the grocery store. He is allowing his 3 year old baby girl to sit in the bed and watch him play this violent-ass video game that he KNOWS I don't think she should watch. But, what does he care?
Anyway, I asked him to help me find her pup-doggy as I was gonna put her to bed. He comments about how I wait until he is doing something to ask for help.... can you fucking believe that shit? I was waiting 2 god damn hours for you to STOP playing so that you could say good night to YOUR CHILDREN, asshole.
Needless to say it ended with raised voices and Baby Girl trying to tell me it was her fault.
*gulp*
"What's your fault, Baby?" I ask her. I knew what she was trying to explain, but she doesn't have the vocabulary. "I watch TV Daddy."
"Baby, it is NOT your fault" I said to her as I held her and kissed her face.
Asshole came in with her Pup-Doggie and I demanded that he tell her that it is NOT her fault. He stood right there as I said "Daddy should have waited to play that game until you were a sleep, baby." He agreed with me because he could tell that if he didn't there would be bigger problems.
I digress....
This has been weighing on my mind since it happened. Is she going to believe that the split between he and I is because of her, or something she did? And, then I started to get angry at him for putting me in the position to hate him.
If he would have just been a decent human being and not so fucking miserable and selfish I would have been able to stay with him.
It is not that I love him at this point or want to stay with him. To the contrary I am so ready to be with the one who will make me happy, the one who will love me and treat me with respect and make the things that are important to me, important to him. Idiot could never do this for me. That is why we are where we are.
But, that's not the point. I guess I am angry at him for making things hard on my daughter. If this is what it is going to be like and this is how she is going to feel, then GOD DAMN YOU DH.
You would think that you would have treated me like GOLD after you divorced that piece of shit that is The Boy's mother. You think with the things she did and didn't do, you would have been bending over backwards to make me happy because of the things I did foryou. You think that you would have helped me when I needed it. When I was BEGGING for you to be there for me and for your daughter.
Whatever. I should be thanking you DH. I will be positive with this. I am going to say that things will be rough in the beginning but eventually Baby Girl will adjust to you not being home everynight and she will move on with her life as I am going to with mine.
So, thank you for making me hate you enough so that I would leave/ Thank you for making it so that I can be with someone who will treat me right, respect my intelligence, and have some sort of ambition other than the xbox. Thank you for making my life so miserable for so long that when that special someone is treating me right, I will never take it for granted. Because, I will know just how shitty things can really be.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
The week of 11.2.2007
I was home with Baby Girl and The Guy I Married (aka Idiot). I had lain down to take a nap around 130pm. I woke at little after three to find that Idiot had left the house and left Baby Girl to play with a cooler that she could fit in and the lid shut while she was in it. I called to ask him what time he left. He left just before 2. So, that meant she was alone for an over an hour playing with the cooler and could have gotten caught inside and I would not have known as he didn’t wake me when he left to let me know I had to watch her.
11.15.2007
I arrived home at 11pm to find the garage door open, (the entrance we use into the house) and the door to the garage from the house unlocked. Idiot was sleeping. Baby Girl was awake watching TV and The Boy (10 years old) was not in the house. I woke him to ask where the boy was. He said “I guess he never came home”. I, again asked in a panicked manner, “WHERE IS HE!?” To which Idiot replied “He was supposed to come home after watching a movie at the neighbor’s house.” He rolled over and went back to sleep. I contacted the neighbor to verify that The Boy was indeed there and safe. I was entirely worried that Baby Girl could have very well gotten out of the house and been in the street as Idiot would have been unaware of what was going on.
There was another similar occasion earlier this year where I had gone to bed around 9pm. The Boy was over at the neighbors. I thought that Idiot was waiting for The Boy to get home and would retire to bed once the boy had returned. I awoke at 3am to find the garage door open, all of the lights on and The Boy not home. I woke Idiot and asked him where The Boy was, to which he responded similarly, “I guess he never came home.”
11.17.2007
Locked me in the closet!!
I was trying to clean out the closet as I was switching out the summer clothes for winter clothes. Idiot entered the room and asked me if I was to be done soon. I said, yes and asked why. I thought he may have wanted the room to play his X-box. However, he responded with “Because we are going to have sex.” I said, “No we aren’t.” He began to try to grab at me and pull me down onto the bed. When I told him that I didn’t think it was funny and I wanted him to stop, he continued to harass me and touch me. He repeatedly kept trying to grab/touch me. After many attempts to get him to stop, I went into the bathroom, shut and locked the door. I waited until he left and came out. He was hiding in the closet, so I went back into the bathroom. He finally left the bedroom and I exited the bathroom to continue to clean up. As soon as he heard me come out of the bathroom he came back into the bedroom to find me in the closet putting more clothes up. He closed the closet door, turned the light out and barricaded the door so that I could not open it. He left me locked in there while Baby Girl was asking him to “let her Mommy out.” When he finally left the door, Baby Girl came and opened it to let me out. He was sitting on the bed. Upon exiting I told him that I did not appreciate him acting like that in front of her and that I thought he was acting entirely immature. He told me that I was acting like a second-grader because I didn’t want him to touch me and that I “needed to pull this stick out of my ass”. As I reentered the closet to put more clothes away Sofia thought this was a game and tried to do the same by shutting the light and closing the door on me.
I was home with Baby Girl and The Guy I Married (aka Idiot). I had lain down to take a nap around 130pm. I woke at little after three to find that Idiot had left the house and left Baby Girl to play with a cooler that she could fit in and the lid shut while she was in it. I called to ask him what time he left. He left just before 2. So, that meant she was alone for an over an hour playing with the cooler and could have gotten caught inside and I would not have known as he didn’t wake me when he left to let me know I had to watch her.
11.15.2007
I arrived home at 11pm to find the garage door open, (the entrance we use into the house) and the door to the garage from the house unlocked. Idiot was sleeping. Baby Girl was awake watching TV and The Boy (10 years old) was not in the house. I woke him to ask where the boy was. He said “I guess he never came home”. I, again asked in a panicked manner, “WHERE IS HE!?” To which Idiot replied “He was supposed to come home after watching a movie at the neighbor’s house.” He rolled over and went back to sleep. I contacted the neighbor to verify that The Boy was indeed there and safe. I was entirely worried that Baby Girl could have very well gotten out of the house and been in the street as Idiot would have been unaware of what was going on.
There was another similar occasion earlier this year where I had gone to bed around 9pm. The Boy was over at the neighbors. I thought that Idiot was waiting for The Boy to get home and would retire to bed once the boy had returned. I awoke at 3am to find the garage door open, all of the lights on and The Boy not home. I woke Idiot and asked him where The Boy was, to which he responded similarly, “I guess he never came home.”
11.17.2007
Locked me in the closet!!
I was trying to clean out the closet as I was switching out the summer clothes for winter clothes. Idiot entered the room and asked me if I was to be done soon. I said, yes and asked why. I thought he may have wanted the room to play his X-box. However, he responded with “Because we are going to have sex.” I said, “No we aren’t.” He began to try to grab at me and pull me down onto the bed. When I told him that I didn’t think it was funny and I wanted him to stop, he continued to harass me and touch me. He repeatedly kept trying to grab/touch me. After many attempts to get him to stop, I went into the bathroom, shut and locked the door. I waited until he left and came out. He was hiding in the closet, so I went back into the bathroom. He finally left the bedroom and I exited the bathroom to continue to clean up. As soon as he heard me come out of the bathroom he came back into the bedroom to find me in the closet putting more clothes up. He closed the closet door, turned the light out and barricaded the door so that I could not open it. He left me locked in there while Baby Girl was asking him to “let her Mommy out.” When he finally left the door, Baby Girl came and opened it to let me out. He was sitting on the bed. Upon exiting I told him that I did not appreciate him acting like that in front of her and that I thought he was acting entirely immature. He told me that I was acting like a second-grader because I didn’t want him to touch me and that I “needed to pull this stick out of my ass”. As I reentered the closet to put more clothes away Sofia thought this was a game and tried to do the same by shutting the light and closing the door on me.
Friday, March 23, 2007
FAH Q!
Category: Life
I posted this in an open forum...but decided to delete it and post it here.
Great story,
So about 30 minutes ago, I walked in the door and was greeted by the dude I married with "What did you do with the $250 nascar ticket I had sitting on the island next to the fish bowl?"
"Uhh, I think I might have thrown it out. I thought it was all junk mail since it was piled there next to everything"
"Why are you touching MY stuff?"
"What made you think it was wise to leave a $250 Nascar ticket next to the fish bowl on the counter with the junk mail?"
"I love how you turn this around on me like it is my fault"
"OK, well for future ref, let's not leave really expensive "junk mail looking" items on the counter next to the junk mail."
"I left it there so I would know where it was."
"Next time maybe you can find a better spot or inform me that it is a prized piece of paper."
Well, this all escalated into "**** yous" and lots of name calling. I finally unleashed what I have been holding in and returned it all to him with "**** you you ****in selfish prick" and reminded him that this situation is not permenant. He told me to get out of his life "NOW" like that is even an option. Aparently he thinks I am a "Miserable Bitch".
He tried to rub it in my face how he "does so much for me by coming home and watching the kids so I can go to school and that I am truely the lazy one in this relationship."
Maybe he will read this and realize that without my education not only would I get child support, but also alimony. My education is in HIS best interest.
And not only that I would also like to remind him that I gave up my entire life, my career, my car, my apartment, my family and friends, I left them all thousands of miles behind to come to this place, where I knew NO ONE but him to take his kid on as my own and give him another child. One who he says, I FORCED him to make. I FORCED him to get me pregnant. I wasn't sure that was even possible, but OK. What-the-****-ever.
In the end, I found his ****ing Nascar ticket. I didn't throw it out, I just thought I did. I actually paid attention and set it somewhere safe thinking this doesn't belong on the counter next to a fish bowl where the 2 year old can get it and shred it. I just have so much other stuff on my mind with finals and all, I didn't remember what I did with it right away.
All I can say is 15 more months bitch. And you can eat my dust.
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Sunday, April 22, 2007
He Has Managed to Shock Me With His Selfish Ways
Category: Life
My Family came to see me this past weekend. My Sister, her Hub, Dad and Step-Mom rented a house down on the beach. I had made arrangements for The Boy to be taken care of after school so that Baby Girl and I could go spend the day and most of the night with them.
The plan was for The Boy to go home with the neighbor kid and go to his hockey game. They were due to be home between 2030 - 2100. I called Idiot (A.K.A Homer Simpson Jr.) and let him know the plan. I told him that he didn't have to come to the beach to see my family, that he could see them tomorrow. He said he was happy to know that he was going to have some "kid-free-time" since he needed a break... Yeah..."needed a break"...like he is home with them all day like me.
I digress.
I asked him if he would mind straightening-up a bit since I would be gone all day and night. I didn't want my family to see a messy house when they came over in the morning. He said sure. I then told him the times to expect The Boy home and that I wouldn't be home untl around bed-time. I was happy that everything had come together and that I was going to be able to relax with my family.
Idiot called me after his work day to inform me he was going to play cards with the boys. I thought nothing of it and assumed that he would be home by 2000 like we had discussed.
At 2200 I was standing at my open car door talking to my parents when my phone rings. I pull it out of my purse and see that the caller ID reads the name of the neighbor kid. Immediately I knew that Idiot never picked up The Boy.
"Hello?"
I The Boy's his voice "Mom? Where are you?"
"Baby, your Dad never came and got you?"
"No."
"OK, I am on the way: I will be there soon. Can I talk to Ms. Judy please."
He passes her the phone and I beg her forgiveness, explain where I am and how long it will take me to get there. She says not to worry about it, that everything is ok. I tell her that it was Idiot's responsibilty to pick him up, that I would have never left The Boy there had I know Idiot would do this. She goes on to tell me how The Boy has been gushing for the last two hours about how he was excited to spend time with his Dad and couldn't wait to see him and how he was standing at their window looking out at our driveway the whole time. I hang up and call Idiot. Furious.
"Hello?"
"WHERE ARE YOU? THE BOY HAS BEEN WAITING FOR YOU FOR TWO HOURS!"
"I'm still playing cards with the boys."
"Did you bother to call and tell Ms. Judy that? Did you bother to tell The Boy that you wouldn't be there? You KNOW that he has issues with abandonment. You know he is always worried that we are going to leave him like his Mom did. You KNOW this. Why would you do him like that? It is because shit like this that he needs therapy!"
That poor kid is so worried about being left alone, that if the routine changes slightly in our normal schedule the first question our of his mouth is "Well, who is going to watch me?" Or, "Who is going to pick me up?" He really really fears abandonment because of BEW leaving him the way she did.
Idiot: "I am leaving right now."
"Good." and I hung up.
It took me 50 minutes to get home. By that time he was already home and The Boy was already asleep. He was waiting in the garage for me. I couldn't even look at his face. I was so disgusted with him that he would do that to his own Son.
I didn't say a word to him.
I put the sleeping Baby Girl to bed went in my room, shut the door, brushed my teeth and crawled in bed. He came in a few minutes later and asked me why I was mad at him. I sincerely said "I'm not mad." And, I wasn't. I was disgusted. He kept on trying to tell me I was angry at he kept on wanting to know why. I said nothing more.
He closed the door and went to bed on the couch after mopping the kitchen floor. His token of apology...a clean floor.
He wouldn't say sorry to The Boy for blowing him off. He wouldn't say sorry to me for me having to grovel to the neighbor or making me so angry with his actions or lack thereof. Instead, he washes the floor.
I wish, just once, he would do the right thing at the right time instead of trying to make-up for being a selfish prick to his kids.
19:00 - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Today
Category: Life
I enter the bedroom where Asshole-Idiot, The Boy, and freshly woken from her nap, Baby Girl are all located. I had to use the potty, not only that something told me to go and check what Asshole-Idiot had on the T.V. as he is famous for letting the kids watch completey inappropriate shows for their age.
Sure enough, that fucker is playing Grand Theft Auto with both of them sitting there riveted to the TV in awe.
I walked in and immediately said, "I can't believe you are playing this game in front of them!"
His classic response, "I wasn't doing anything."
Meaning he wasn't killing/raping/robbing anyone at that particular moment of the game.
"Ummmm, you are running the streets with a gun in your hand. That is doing PLENTY." I deciced to refrain from going off on him as the kids were right there so I stifled my next thought which came out as a mumbled "you".
He promptly mocked me and the words, "You SUCK as a Dad!" came flying out of my mouth. I think he was in shock that I said that in front of the kids. And, he is right. I shouldn't have. But, He KNOWS and has KNOWN for a LOOOOOOOONG time that I do not take this lightly.
I am diligent in regards to censoring what enters the kid's minds. They will have plenty of atrocities to learn about in due time. No need to let them be aware of what the world is really about, especially at the age of 2.5 years.
When The Boy was Baby Girl's age Asshole-Idiot and his Bitch-Ex-Wife used to let him stay up as late as he wanted. In fact, they would hand him the remote control to the TV and head off to bed, leaving him alone to his own devices. He would watch whatever he wanted until whenever he wanted. The kid had no discipline.
I could go off on how they used to put Mountain Dew in his baby bottle, or how when they would leave him alone he would go take food (such as raw eggs) out of the fridge and hide them in the couch, or how he was allowed to take food containers in,o his rooms which they never bothered to clean, and The Boy would then urinate in the containers and his other toys when he was learning to potty train. His sisters and own mother are the ones who have told me these stories.
I digress...
To this day The Boy is still terrified of the dark (at almost 10 years of age) and will often do whatever he can to stay up with the lights on (claiming his stomach hurts, or some other ailment) because his Idiot father would watch horror movies with him when he was very little. He can't even have posters on his wall or any statues with faces on his dressers because he is scared of them when the lights go out. He often will turn all of his toys over so they are face down and will sleep with his entire body under the blanket even if it is 95 degrees in his room. The poor kid.
I will be God Damned if Asshole does that to Baby Girl. She has gotten to the point where she is so comfortable sleeping on her own that she asks me to turn the night light off. She lays awake in the pitch dark until she falls alseep. And, infact, sometimes, she will even cover her face because the tiny green light from the video monitor camera is too bright.
The sad thing is....even though Idiot SEES FIRST HAND the difference from one parenting style to the next, he still doesn't get it. Or, is being, once again, so fucking selfish that he just doesn't care.
When he came out of the room and sat on the couch I said to him, "You know, you can do what ever you want with The Boy, but don't you DARE do that SHIT to MY daughter." He was like "Your daughter?"
Me: "Yeah, she came out of MY body, I have the scars to prove it."
I felt like crap as soon as I said it because I am sure that The Boy heard me. But, it is getting time for me to start breaking it to The Boy that it is not always going to be like this. The Boy is going to have to come to realize that I will not always be in the same home as him. And, I think slowly is the way. I don't want the day to come when I am ready ot leave and The Boy be clueless. I think it will be easier to accept if he expects it.
Asshole is lucky he shut his mouth and didn't pick a fight with me about it. I would have reminded him of the fact that there will be a day when he can do whatever he wants and allow HIS son to do whatever he wants and I won't be there to give a shit. He hates when I do that, and I have no problem shoving it in his face.
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Saturday, March 17, 2007
*Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring* *Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring*
Category: Life
"Hello? .....Hey, Idiot, Clue phone. It's for you."
So, I just ended a 53 hour vow of "I am NEVER talking to you again, Asshole" and I finally spoke to Idiot.
It began with small talk about dinner, and progressed into other miscellaneous bullshit in between extended periods of not speaking.
Current time 2300. He came out of the room about 45 minutes ago and asked me if I minded if he went out.
I said no, but, informed him that he is in charge of the kids tomorrow since I have an exam to study for and now that I am finally talking to him again he was not about to argue.
I said that I didn't care what time he came home, or what he did, but that I didn't want a repeat of Thursday and that he HAS to get up and have breakfast and spend time with them or else it will be like WW III up in dis sum-bitch, which led us into our first discussions about what had happened.
We calmly talked about how I felt he did The Boy wrong and how I would feel if he were to do something like that to Baby Girl.
He expressed his take on the situation and added that he has been stressed out at work and what not.
I went on to remind him that he has a high stress job, but the fact that he stays out 'til all hours of the morning playing with his friends which cuts into his sleep time will make any stress ten times worse being super exhausted.
"And, when you are exhausted like that you have nothing in yourself to give to your kids. And when you don't give yourself to your kids the way they need, but you will gladly give yourself to your friends, well... then you have just gone and pissed off Mama Bear. And, when you piss off Mama Bear, she will make your life hell.
Now, if your life is already hell because you are exhausted and you have a stressful job and some of that problem is in your control to remedy... I says FIX THAT SHIT! Don't stay your ass out until the ass-crack of dawn. And, if you want to sleep for 12 hours, then by all means, sleep for 12 hours. Just pick the right 12 hours...like, from 0900 to 2100; not 0100 to 1300...you know what I'm saying."
"Oh, and btw, these young lives that you hold in your hands are depending on you to create them a solid foundation for which the rest of their lives are to be built. Now, are you going to give them concrete or sand?"
"Run along and have fun with your friend's tonight. Oh, wait.... one more thing. Have I made my point?"
"Yes, I get what you are saying. I will be home at a reasonable hour."
"No, I mean... have I made my point? Was 53 hours long enough?"
(That man called me no less than 50 times and from every phone he could get his hands on. If I didn't recognize the phone number I wouldn't answer. He filled my VM so that it was no longer accepting messages. I was determined NOT to speak to him)
"Ohhhh, yes, yes, I get it now." He said
I went on, "Ok, good but I need to clarify something. I don't care if you call me every name in the book/ threaten me in front of the entire world on national television. But, don't ever do that in front of Baby Girl, again. I need you to realize that you are the example for which your daughter bases the choice of her mate. You are lucky that she is only 2.5 years old and that the memory of how and what you said to me is not engrained in her mind. Know that however you treat me, is how she will expect to be treated by her man. Can you ever imagine anyone talking to her the way that you talked to me? Can you ever imagine anyone treating her that way? If she sees her Mama treated that way she will think that is normal and that is how it is supposed to be. Is that what you want for her?"
(After I said that to him and it dawned on his peanut brain the power that his actions wield on a child's young mind he looked like he was a deer caught in headlights. The look on his face reminded me of those shows "When Animals Attack", except, it would be "When an Idiot has an Epiphany")
I continued, "I don't know if you realize how close I came to leaving. I don't think you realize just how serious this is to me. I know this is only going to get worse as we progress through this divorce."
He jumped in, "We all say things we regret when we are mad."
"Actually, no, I don't. You have no idea the shit that was rolling through my mind that I wanted to unleash on you...but, I didn't. And, I won't. But, If you ever do it again, I will get in my car, drive it to the airport and board the next flight to WI and I won't come back. I don't care about anything in this house, I will leave it all. I will not allow you to indirectly abuse her by abusing me."
"You can't do that!" he said
"Yes, I can"
"Not legally" He pleaded.
"You are the only one concerned with legalities, man. And, if it comes down to it...you threatened me. And, that is what I would tell the judge."
I let the silent moment linger as I watched all of it sink in.
"I don't want to do that to you and The Boy...or her" I finally said. "So, please…please, never do that again."
This whole conversation was had in a very mellow tone without animosity or hatred from either of us. In fact, as he was leaving he thanked me, oddly enough.
I looked at him kinda weird and asked if he was being facetious to which he said no that he was thankful for my advice.
So, let us all root for him to do the right thing and manage his time better, make better patenting choices and realize just how much he means to his kids.
I don't hate him right now. I kinda have hope for him to become a good Dad even if he can never be a good husband.
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Thursday, March 15, 2007
Update on Last Post: E-Mails.
Category: Life
Read from the bottom up. I guess when I wouldn't answer my phone he decided to e-mail me. I am not responding to this last one. My response will be the "For sale" sign in the lawn.
Asshole Idiot wrote:
I told him I wouldn't be there right when it started so he understood, I am sorry I talked to you like that in front of her but you know how to push my buttons and you did. you know how I feel about being called lazy, I figured if I said something like that you would hear me and you did. you know I would never do anything like that to you but I was angry and when I'm angry I always say things I regret later and this is no exceptions. I am not sorry I fought with you because I felt I was standing up for myself, just sorry I said those things to you. very sorry I disrespected you
RS
DollyD wrote:
Date: Thu, 15 Mar 2007 11:21:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Dolly D< DollyD@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re:
To: Asshole.Idiot@I'mAFucktard.com>
This is NOT about me. This is about [The Boy]!
You have NO idea what it meant to him to have you there.
I can imagine the disappointment that must have washed over him when it started and you weren't there.
I know that you eventually showed up.
But, that still doesn't change the fact that you allowed him to feel those feelings of disappointment in the begining.
The poor kid is in therapy because of shit like this.
So, when you wouldn't get up to go and be there for him you WERE being LAZY.
period.
It's not like you were sick.
It's not like you had some pressing issue for work.
You just DIDN'T WANT TO because you would have RATHER SLEPT after you had just gotten a solid 7.5 hours of sleep..
So fine, then.. you aren't lazy. You're SELFISH, because sleep is more important than your son who has been looking forward to this ALL GOD DAMN WEEK.
And, you know what. I am A FUCKING BITCH. There is no denying it.
But, who the fuck do you think you are talking to me like that in front of [Baby Girl]?
And, then to threaten to "Knock my head off of my shoulders"
You picked the WRONG MOTHER FUCKIN' ONE, holmes.
R S wrote:
how can you expect me not to react that way?? your calling me lazy, apparently our definitions of lazy are different. I do allot for this family and just because I don't do them when you demand then I guess I am lazy. I would appreciate it if you kept your lazy comments to yourself, do not call me lazy because I am not. you started this one I just reacted but I always regret fighting with you.
R S
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Hell Hath No Furry
Category: Life
I called a realtor today after he called me a "Mother Fucking Bitch" and threated me with, "I am going to knock your fucking head of your shoulders if you call me lazy one more time!" He said this all in the company of my 2 year old daughter. Thanks you fucking horror of a human being.
It all started this morning when I had to repeatedly wake him to do his part in raising his son. It is his responsibility on Thursdays to get the boy up and off to the bus stop. @ 0710 I said "You have to go wake The Boy." It took me about 2-4 times to get his ass out of bed to go do it. He went and woke The Boy, then promptly went back to bed. @ 0800 I hear The Boy say "Dad, it's time to leave." I had to, again, bug him about 3 times to get up to go. He came back from the bus stop and promplty returned to sleeping except now he was on the couch.
Now, I know you are thinking that he must have had a rough night or something. Actually he didn't. Went to bed around 2400 and slept like the dead until 0710, 0800 and then on the couch until 0929 when I began Bitch-mode. I admit, I was being a bitch. But, it was in honor of The Boy. Not, because of personal reasons.
The Boy has been gushing all week about how he can wait for Thursday because it is his Field Day where he gets to perform in sprints, hurdles, high-jump and other various competitive activities that the parents are invited to watch. He must have said to me 3-4 time about how he was glad that his Dad was going to be there. The events were to start @ 0930 and to last the remainder of the day.
So, when 0929 had rolled around and his Lazy-Ass was still laying on the couch snoring, I got angry. "GET UP! It's 0929!"
Asshole: "I am a grown man, I can do what I want."
Bitch (a.k.a.Me): "The Boy is expcting you to be there!"
Asshole: "It is an ALL day event, I don't have to go right now!"
Bitch: "Do you even realize how much it would mean to him if you were there for the start. He has been talking about it ALL week."
(Not, to mention if Asshole-Idiot put .0000000001864 seconds worth of thought into it, there is no shade and it would be more wise to go in the early moring when the sun isn't as strong and the temperature outside is more agreeable. I was not about to point this out to him)
Asshole: "It doesn't matter what time I get there as long as I go."
All I could do was imagine The Poor Boy standing there looking around for his Dad who said he would be there and the feelings of disappointment that were filling him. It was making me irate.
Well, I wouldn't shut up about it and Asshole finally dragged his Lazy-Ass off of the couch. As he was getting ready we were going back and forth and I had said to him that he was "So damn Lazy." He tried to tell me that I was lazy because I didn't wipe the crumbs off of the counter after I cleaned the dishes from the dinner HE made while I was at school. Irionic, no? I just laughed.
After a few more exchanges about how he thinks I am lazy and how my name is the synonym for "perfection" I reminded him that this isn't about ME, it is about The BOY, I gave him the finger and walked in the house.
Baby Girl was begging Asshole to go with him and he was having no part of it. Infact, he closed her in the garage becasue she wouldn't come in the house when he told her to go. She wanted to go with him. She loves him and wants to be with him.
I couldn't believe he did that to her.
He left the garage door open about a foot and then for some reason opened it back up to see me standing there with her. He said "well, are you coming?"
Bitch: "I have no desire to be around you right now."
He made some comment about Baby Girl and her not going in the house to which I said, "She has been standing here begging you to take her with you."
Asshole: "Well, this is The Boy's event." meaning he doesn't want to have to deal with her.
Bitch: "What does that have to do with her watching? She can't be there to watch?"
Asshole gets out of the truck and comes in the house all pissed off that he has to change her clothes and put her shoes on. I gathered her sun hat and an umbrella for her as he was doing this. He would have smeared sun screen all over her which she is allergic to. I couldn't expect him to think about something like a hat and umbrella. So, I made sure I got it for her.
As he is bitching about having to get her ready I told him he was Lazy again and that was when he went off with the name calling and threatening to hit me.
And as soon as he left I called the realtor. I'm thinking, he will be surprised as fuck when he gets home later this week and there is a "For Sale" sign in the lawn. See, after all, it is MY HOUSE. Therefore, I decide when it gets sold. And, NOW is the time.
He has no idea what he is up against. I have already applied for financial aid to universities in two other states (WI where my Mom lives, and IL where my Uncle lives) I have options.
I don't care if he wants to call me names and cuss me up and down. I don't care if he wants to perpetrate violence against me. But, I will be God Damned if that Mother Fucker thinks he will do that shit in front of Baby Girl. She does not deserve to see him treat me that way. It is more damaging to her that I can even begin to imagine.
So, later this week I will be meeting with the realtor, I will put the house up and when it sells I will go from there.
He just called me, or should I say had Baby Girl call me. She was saying things that he prompted her to say "Call me, come home, I'm sorry." She is too young to even know to say stuff like that.
I said to her "Baby, there is no reason for you to say sorry. Mama will see you after I am done with school. I love you, bye-bye, Baby" and hung up the phone. I want to cry. That shit pisses me off that he is having her do his talking.
He knows though. He knows he picked the wrong one to mess with like he did.
He keeps calling. I keep hitting "ignore".
I think I'll just turn it off altogether. I really have nothing to say to him.
Anyway, while he was gone I made her lunch and left it on the counter for her. I packed myself a lunch and am sitting in the computer lab at school. I left home 5.5 hours before my classes were to even start.
I have the strongest urge to just take her and run. I can't though. I need this degree. I have to, atleast, finish out this semester. I can't leave in the middle of it.
I usually end posts like this with "I HATE HIM"
But, hate really cheapens the feelings I have for Asshole. It is not strong enough to accurately express the way I feel about him.
00:57 - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
In Fairness...
I must inform e'ryones that I asked permission and was allowed to purchase a $190 king size comforter and duvet set. I had buyers remorse for almost a week and it took several conversations with various people to convince me it was ok.
One person pointed out that it was something for the house and not for a selfish/personal reason.
Another person pointed out that it was about damn time I got a nice looking comfortor especially since I only paid half the price as it was on sale from $380.
However, since I have decided that when I leave him, I am taking it with me... I can't say that the first comment made is applicable. Although, for the time being, it does improve this house that I share with Idiot.
So, I guess I should take back some of my rant about Idiot and the X-box since I got a really nice blankie and spent money, too.
I would also like to update about BEW. She called Idiot and told him she sent $200 towards The Boys care. Only $150 arrived but it was more than I ever expected from her. Bravo to her quasi step-up to the parenting plate.
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Monday, March 12, 2007
The Tortoise and the Hare
Category: Life
Once upon a time there was a hare who, boasting how he could run faster than anyone else, was forever teasing tortoise for its slowness. Then one day, the irate tortoise answered back: "Who do you think you are? There's no denying you're swift, but even you can be beaten!" The hare squealed with laughter.
"Beaten in a race? By whom? Not you, surely! I bet there's nobody in the world that can win against me, I'm so speedy. Now, why don't you try?"
Annoyed by such bragging, the tortoise accepted the challenge. A course was planned, and the next day at dawn they stood at the starting line. The hare yawned sleepily as the meek tortoise trudged slowly off. When the hare saw how painfully slow his rival was, he decided, half asleep on his feet, to have a quick nap. "Take your time!" he said. "I'll have forty winks and catch up with you in a minute."
The hare woke with a start from a fitful sleep and gazed round, looking for the tortoise. But the creature was only a short distance away, having barely covered a third of the course. Breathing a sigh of relief, the hare decided he might as well have breakfast too, and off he went to munch some cabbages he had noticed in a nearby field. But the heavy meal and the hot sun made his eyelids droop. With a careless glance at the tortoise, now halfway along the course, he decided to have another snooze before flashing past the winning post. And smiling at the thought of the look on the tortoise's face when it saw the hare speed by, he fell fast asleep and was soon snoring happily. The sun started to sink, below the horizon, and the tortoise, who had been plodding towards the winning post since morning, was scarcely a yard from the finish. At that very point, the hare woke with a jolt. He could see the tortoise a speck in the distance and away he dashed. He leapt and bounded at a great rate, his tongue lolling, and gasping for breath. Just a little more and he'd be first at the finish. But the hare's last leap was just too late, for the tortoise had beaten him to the winning post. Poor hare! Tired and in disgrace, he slumped down beside the tortoise who was silently smiling at him.
"Slowly does it every time!" he said.
Moral of the story: Slow and steady wins the race.
And in this race of mine, I am the tortoise and this situation I find myself in is the hare. I will continue to persevere and I will win in the end. I will not lose sight of my goals. I will continue to fight for what I believe is the best for me and my daughter and I will be happy again.
22:27 - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Even Though....
Category: Life
I could make a killing if Bitching paid because I have become deft at the art thereof... I have just not been able to muster the energy to apply myself to posting about Idiot and all of the daily behaivors/activities that remind me why I want out of this horribly miserable marriage.
So, in lieu of bitching I will inform.
I bought three new pairs of shorts for me, a battery operated bubble blower for Baby Girl and an umbrella for the family. The Boy was with BEW so, I didn't get him anything. Otherwise I woulda got him a toy, too. I still need a cute/sexy pair of camel colored sandals for the summer. The ones I bought broke last year as I was walking out of my class.... yeah, I must have looked hella smooth falling all over the place with my belongings going flying out of my arms as I landed on my ass.
My spring break is over and I am not ready to return to school. Seems I have hit an emotional low. I am going to blame it on my hormones.
14:30 - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Just When You Think Things Are Going Well...
Category: Life
This weekend has been amazingly low-key and lacking any real feelings of hatred. Well, until about 20 minutes ago.
Infact, things had been going so well that I was actually contemplating having sex with Asshole-Idiot. No, no, no, my humble readers, please, do not mistake cheap, meaningless sex with him for something that would mean I actually want to BE WITH him and that we would be making up. I am only human, you know. And, well....bad sex is sometimes better than no sex. But, now, Asshole-Idiot ain't getting NONE from me and I am about to wear down a couple of batteries, which is just fine by me. I still get mine.
Anyway, the story behind it all.
It was Baby Girl's bed time. I went to put her to bed and ...dee dee dee...forgot to put a diaper on her. Well, as soon as I laid her down she peed the bed. So, I called out to Asshole-Idiot to help her onto the potty so she could finish as I was busy changing her bedding and finding new PJ's for her to wear.
As she approached his bedroom, I was in the living room picking up the wet clothes she had just tore off and threw on the floor. I heard him say, "Jesus FUCK".
I was instantly IRATE.
Not only is it too much of a chore for him to help her pee, he has to swear infront of her too!
I said in a highly annoyed tone, "You know, maybe you should have just NOT got me pregnant, since being a father is too much for you to handle."
I grabbed some PJ's and went into the bathroom where he was with her and said, "I got this."
Asshole: "Don't talk to me like that infront of the kids."
Me: "Don't swear like that infront of her."
Asshole: "She didn't hear me."
Me: "I heard you in the living room and she was AT the bedroom door when you said it."
I grabbed her and went into her room, dressed her and put her down.
I walked back into the bedroom and he says, "It just seems like you always are asking me to do the stuff you don't want to do."
This is where I officially lost it. I became livid.
Me: "You know, I would have much rather sat in the bathroom and helped her pee while YOU delt with all the pissed on bedding and clothes. I REALLY didn't want to do that! As far as I am concerned YOU got the easy part of the deal."
I think it dawned on him how bad he just fucked up because he had no retort.
I went in the kitched and cleaned the dishes and threw in a load of laundry. When I was done I went into the room and grabbed my pillow and blanket and threw it on the sofabed I had already pulled out. I walked back to the room to shut the bedroom door. As I was kicking all of his CRAP out of the way so I could actually close the door, I hear him say, "I don't want the door shut."
I shut it anyway.
He got up and opened the door as I was trying to soothe baby girl because she peed on her favorite blanket and I had to give her the backup Sponge Bob blankie she loves.
I went back to shut the door and again he said, "I don't want the door shut." I said, "I really need some privacy right now." and, luckily for him, he left it alone, because if he opened that door again I was going to say something along the lines of "Thank you for reminding me why I can't stand you and want a divorce."
It sucks though cause I went to the park to play with Baby Girl and I was really hoping to get in a shower and shave tonight. But, that would mean I would have to be in the same room as him, and that ain't gonna happen. Maybe I can wait until his stupid-ass passes out.
GOD, I HATE HIM.
Category: Life
I posted this in an open forum...but decided to delete it and post it here.
Great story,
So about 30 minutes ago, I walked in the door and was greeted by the dude I married with "What did you do with the $250 nascar ticket I had sitting on the island next to the fish bowl?"
"Uhh, I think I might have thrown it out. I thought it was all junk mail since it was piled there next to everything"
"Why are you touching MY stuff?"
"What made you think it was wise to leave a $250 Nascar ticket next to the fish bowl on the counter with the junk mail?"
"I love how you turn this around on me like it is my fault"
"OK, well for future ref, let's not leave really expensive "junk mail looking" items on the counter next to the junk mail."
"I left it there so I would know where it was."
"Next time maybe you can find a better spot or inform me that it is a prized piece of paper."
Well, this all escalated into "**** yous" and lots of name calling. I finally unleashed what I have been holding in and returned it all to him with "**** you you ****in selfish prick" and reminded him that this situation is not permenant. He told me to get out of his life "NOW" like that is even an option. Aparently he thinks I am a "Miserable Bitch".
He tried to rub it in my face how he "does so much for me by coming home and watching the kids so I can go to school and that I am truely the lazy one in this relationship."
Maybe he will read this and realize that without my education not only would I get child support, but also alimony. My education is in HIS best interest.
And not only that I would also like to remind him that I gave up my entire life, my career, my car, my apartment, my family and friends, I left them all thousands of miles behind to come to this place, where I knew NO ONE but him to take his kid on as my own and give him another child. One who he says, I FORCED him to make. I FORCED him to get me pregnant. I wasn't sure that was even possible, but OK. What-the-****-ever.
In the end, I found his ****ing Nascar ticket. I didn't throw it out, I just thought I did. I actually paid attention and set it somewhere safe thinking this doesn't belong on the counter next to a fish bowl where the 2 year old can get it and shred it. I just have so much other stuff on my mind with finals and all, I didn't remember what I did with it right away.
All I can say is 15 more months bitch. And you can eat my dust.
23:10 - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, April 22, 2007
He Has Managed to Shock Me With His Selfish Ways
Category: Life
My Family came to see me this past weekend. My Sister, her Hub, Dad and Step-Mom rented a house down on the beach. I had made arrangements for The Boy to be taken care of after school so that Baby Girl and I could go spend the day and most of the night with them.
The plan was for The Boy to go home with the neighbor kid and go to his hockey game. They were due to be home between 2030 - 2100. I called Idiot (A.K.A Homer Simpson Jr.) and let him know the plan. I told him that he didn't have to come to the beach to see my family, that he could see them tomorrow. He said he was happy to know that he was going to have some "kid-free-time" since he needed a break... Yeah..."needed a break"...like he is home with them all day like me.
I digress.
I asked him if he would mind straightening-up a bit since I would be gone all day and night. I didn't want my family to see a messy house when they came over in the morning. He said sure. I then told him the times to expect The Boy home and that I wouldn't be home untl around bed-time. I was happy that everything had come together and that I was going to be able to relax with my family.
Idiot called me after his work day to inform me he was going to play cards with the boys. I thought nothing of it and assumed that he would be home by 2000 like we had discussed.
At 2200 I was standing at my open car door talking to my parents when my phone rings. I pull it out of my purse and see that the caller ID reads the name of the neighbor kid. Immediately I knew that Idiot never picked up The Boy.
"Hello?"
I The Boy's his voice "Mom? Where are you?"
"Baby, your Dad never came and got you?"
"No."
"OK, I am on the way: I will be there soon. Can I talk to Ms. Judy please."
He passes her the phone and I beg her forgiveness, explain where I am and how long it will take me to get there. She says not to worry about it, that everything is ok. I tell her that it was Idiot's responsibilty to pick him up, that I would have never left The Boy there had I know Idiot would do this. She goes on to tell me how The Boy has been gushing for the last two hours about how he was excited to spend time with his Dad and couldn't wait to see him and how he was standing at their window looking out at our driveway the whole time. I hang up and call Idiot. Furious.
"Hello?"
"WHERE ARE YOU? THE BOY HAS BEEN WAITING FOR YOU FOR TWO HOURS!"
"I'm still playing cards with the boys."
"Did you bother to call and tell Ms. Judy that? Did you bother to tell The Boy that you wouldn't be there? You KNOW that he has issues with abandonment. You know he is always worried that we are going to leave him like his Mom did. You KNOW this. Why would you do him like that? It is because shit like this that he needs therapy!"
That poor kid is so worried about being left alone, that if the routine changes slightly in our normal schedule the first question our of his mouth is "Well, who is going to watch me?" Or, "Who is going to pick me up?" He really really fears abandonment because of BEW leaving him the way she did.
Idiot: "I am leaving right now."
"Good." and I hung up.
It took me 50 minutes to get home. By that time he was already home and The Boy was already asleep. He was waiting in the garage for me. I couldn't even look at his face. I was so disgusted with him that he would do that to his own Son.
I didn't say a word to him.
I put the sleeping Baby Girl to bed went in my room, shut the door, brushed my teeth and crawled in bed. He came in a few minutes later and asked me why I was mad at him. I sincerely said "I'm not mad." And, I wasn't. I was disgusted. He kept on trying to tell me I was angry at he kept on wanting to know why. I said nothing more.
He closed the door and went to bed on the couch after mopping the kitchen floor. His token of apology...a clean floor.
He wouldn't say sorry to The Boy for blowing him off. He wouldn't say sorry to me for me having to grovel to the neighbor or making me so angry with his actions or lack thereof. Instead, he washes the floor.
I wish, just once, he would do the right thing at the right time instead of trying to make-up for being a selfish prick to his kids.
19:00 - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Today
Category: Life
I enter the bedroom where Asshole-Idiot, The Boy, and freshly woken from her nap, Baby Girl are all located. I had to use the potty, not only that something told me to go and check what Asshole-Idiot had on the T.V. as he is famous for letting the kids watch completey inappropriate shows for their age.
Sure enough, that fucker is playing Grand Theft Auto with both of them sitting there riveted to the TV in awe.
I walked in and immediately said, "I can't believe you are playing this game in front of them!"
His classic response, "I wasn't doing anything."
Meaning he wasn't killing/raping/robbing anyone at that particular moment of the game.
"Ummmm, you are running the streets with a gun in your hand. That is doing PLENTY." I deciced to refrain from going off on him as the kids were right there so I stifled my next thought which came out as a mumbled "you".
He promptly mocked me and the words, "You SUCK as a Dad!" came flying out of my mouth. I think he was in shock that I said that in front of the kids. And, he is right. I shouldn't have. But, He KNOWS and has KNOWN for a LOOOOOOOONG time that I do not take this lightly.
I am diligent in regards to censoring what enters the kid's minds. They will have plenty of atrocities to learn about in due time. No need to let them be aware of what the world is really about, especially at the age of 2.5 years.
When The Boy was Baby Girl's age Asshole-Idiot and his Bitch-Ex-Wife used to let him stay up as late as he wanted. In fact, they would hand him the remote control to the TV and head off to bed, leaving him alone to his own devices. He would watch whatever he wanted until whenever he wanted. The kid had no discipline.
I could go off on how they used to put Mountain Dew in his baby bottle, or how when they would leave him alone he would go take food (such as raw eggs) out of the fridge and hide them in the couch, or how he was allowed to take food containers in,o his rooms which they never bothered to clean, and The Boy would then urinate in the containers and his other toys when he was learning to potty train. His sisters and own mother are the ones who have told me these stories.
I digress...
To this day The Boy is still terrified of the dark (at almost 10 years of age) and will often do whatever he can to stay up with the lights on (claiming his stomach hurts, or some other ailment) because his Idiot father would watch horror movies with him when he was very little. He can't even have posters on his wall or any statues with faces on his dressers because he is scared of them when the lights go out. He often will turn all of his toys over so they are face down and will sleep with his entire body under the blanket even if it is 95 degrees in his room. The poor kid.
I will be God Damned if Asshole does that to Baby Girl. She has gotten to the point where she is so comfortable sleeping on her own that she asks me to turn the night light off. She lays awake in the pitch dark until she falls alseep. And, infact, sometimes, she will even cover her face because the tiny green light from the video monitor camera is too bright.
The sad thing is....even though Idiot SEES FIRST HAND the difference from one parenting style to the next, he still doesn't get it. Or, is being, once again, so fucking selfish that he just doesn't care.
When he came out of the room and sat on the couch I said to him, "You know, you can do what ever you want with The Boy, but don't you DARE do that SHIT to MY daughter." He was like "Your daughter?"
Me: "Yeah, she came out of MY body, I have the scars to prove it."
I felt like crap as soon as I said it because I am sure that The Boy heard me. But, it is getting time for me to start breaking it to The Boy that it is not always going to be like this. The Boy is going to have to come to realize that I will not always be in the same home as him. And, I think slowly is the way. I don't want the day to come when I am ready ot leave and The Boy be clueless. I think it will be easier to accept if he expects it.
Asshole is lucky he shut his mouth and didn't pick a fight with me about it. I would have reminded him of the fact that there will be a day when he can do whatever he wants and allow HIS son to do whatever he wants and I won't be there to give a shit. He hates when I do that, and I have no problem shoving it in his face.
15:25 - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Saturday, March 17, 2007
*Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring* *Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring*
Category: Life
"Hello? .....Hey, Idiot, Clue phone. It's for you."
So, I just ended a 53 hour vow of "I am NEVER talking to you again, Asshole" and I finally spoke to Idiot.
It began with small talk about dinner, and progressed into other miscellaneous bullshit in between extended periods of not speaking.
Current time 2300. He came out of the room about 45 minutes ago and asked me if I minded if he went out.
I said no, but, informed him that he is in charge of the kids tomorrow since I have an exam to study for and now that I am finally talking to him again he was not about to argue.
I said that I didn't care what time he came home, or what he did, but that I didn't want a repeat of Thursday and that he HAS to get up and have breakfast and spend time with them or else it will be like WW III up in dis sum-bitch, which led us into our first discussions about what had happened.
We calmly talked about how I felt he did The Boy wrong and how I would feel if he were to do something like that to Baby Girl.
He expressed his take on the situation and added that he has been stressed out at work and what not.
I went on to remind him that he has a high stress job, but the fact that he stays out 'til all hours of the morning playing with his friends which cuts into his sleep time will make any stress ten times worse being super exhausted.
"And, when you are exhausted like that you have nothing in yourself to give to your kids. And when you don't give yourself to your kids the way they need, but you will gladly give yourself to your friends, well... then you have just gone and pissed off Mama Bear. And, when you piss off Mama Bear, she will make your life hell.
Now, if your life is already hell because you are exhausted and you have a stressful job and some of that problem is in your control to remedy... I says FIX THAT SHIT! Don't stay your ass out until the ass-crack of dawn. And, if you want to sleep for 12 hours, then by all means, sleep for 12 hours. Just pick the right 12 hours...like, from 0900 to 2100; not 0100 to 1300...you know what I'm saying."
"Oh, and btw, these young lives that you hold in your hands are depending on you to create them a solid foundation for which the rest of their lives are to be built. Now, are you going to give them concrete or sand?"
"Run along and have fun with your friend's tonight. Oh, wait.... one more thing. Have I made my point?"
"Yes, I get what you are saying. I will be home at a reasonable hour."
"No, I mean... have I made my point? Was 53 hours long enough?"
(That man called me no less than 50 times and from every phone he could get his hands on. If I didn't recognize the phone number I wouldn't answer. He filled my VM so that it was no longer accepting messages. I was determined NOT to speak to him)
"Ohhhh, yes, yes, I get it now." He said
I went on, "Ok, good but I need to clarify something. I don't care if you call me every name in the book/ threaten me in front of the entire world on national television. But, don't ever do that in front of Baby Girl, again. I need you to realize that you are the example for which your daughter bases the choice of her mate. You are lucky that she is only 2.5 years old and that the memory of how and what you said to me is not engrained in her mind. Know that however you treat me, is how she will expect to be treated by her man. Can you ever imagine anyone talking to her the way that you talked to me? Can you ever imagine anyone treating her that way? If she sees her Mama treated that way she will think that is normal and that is how it is supposed to be. Is that what you want for her?"
(After I said that to him and it dawned on his peanut brain the power that his actions wield on a child's young mind he looked like he was a deer caught in headlights. The look on his face reminded me of those shows "When Animals Attack", except, it would be "When an Idiot has an Epiphany")
I continued, "I don't know if you realize how close I came to leaving. I don't think you realize just how serious this is to me. I know this is only going to get worse as we progress through this divorce."
He jumped in, "We all say things we regret when we are mad."
"Actually, no, I don't. You have no idea the shit that was rolling through my mind that I wanted to unleash on you...but, I didn't. And, I won't. But, If you ever do it again, I will get in my car, drive it to the airport and board the next flight to WI and I won't come back. I don't care about anything in this house, I will leave it all. I will not allow you to indirectly abuse her by abusing me."
"You can't do that!" he said
"Yes, I can"
"Not legally" He pleaded.
"You are the only one concerned with legalities, man. And, if it comes down to it...you threatened me. And, that is what I would tell the judge."
I let the silent moment linger as I watched all of it sink in.
"I don't want to do that to you and The Boy...or her" I finally said. "So, please…please, never do that again."
This whole conversation was had in a very mellow tone without animosity or hatred from either of us. In fact, as he was leaving he thanked me, oddly enough.
I looked at him kinda weird and asked if he was being facetious to which he said no that he was thankful for my advice.
So, let us all root for him to do the right thing and manage his time better, make better patenting choices and realize just how much he means to his kids.
I don't hate him right now. I kinda have hope for him to become a good Dad even if he can never be a good husband.
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Thursday, March 15, 2007
Update on Last Post: E-Mails.
Category: Life
Read from the bottom up. I guess when I wouldn't answer my phone he decided to e-mail me. I am not responding to this last one. My response will be the "For sale" sign in the lawn.
Asshole Idiot wrote:
I told him I wouldn't be there right when it started so he understood, I am sorry I talked to you like that in front of her but you know how to push my buttons and you did. you know how I feel about being called lazy, I figured if I said something like that you would hear me and you did. you know I would never do anything like that to you but I was angry and when I'm angry I always say things I regret later and this is no exceptions. I am not sorry I fought with you because I felt I was standing up for myself, just sorry I said those things to you. very sorry I disrespected you
RS
DollyD wrote:
Date: Thu, 15 Mar 2007 11:21:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Dolly D< DollyD@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re:
To: Asshole.Idiot@I'mAFucktard.com>
This is NOT about me. This is about [The Boy]!
You have NO idea what it meant to him to have you there.
I can imagine the disappointment that must have washed over him when it started and you weren't there.
I know that you eventually showed up.
But, that still doesn't change the fact that you allowed him to feel those feelings of disappointment in the begining.
The poor kid is in therapy because of shit like this.
So, when you wouldn't get up to go and be there for him you WERE being LAZY.
period.
It's not like you were sick.
It's not like you had some pressing issue for work.
You just DIDN'T WANT TO because you would have RATHER SLEPT after you had just gotten a solid 7.5 hours of sleep..
So fine, then.. you aren't lazy. You're SELFISH, because sleep is more important than your son who has been looking forward to this ALL GOD DAMN WEEK.
And, you know what. I am A FUCKING BITCH. There is no denying it.
But, who the fuck do you think you are talking to me like that in front of [Baby Girl]?
And, then to threaten to "Knock my head off of my shoulders"
You picked the WRONG MOTHER FUCKIN' ONE, holmes.
R S wrote:
how can you expect me not to react that way?? your calling me lazy, apparently our definitions of lazy are different. I do allot for this family and just because I don't do them when you demand then I guess I am lazy. I would appreciate it if you kept your lazy comments to yourself, do not call me lazy because I am not. you started this one I just reacted but I always regret fighting with you.
R S
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Hell Hath No Furry
Category: Life
I called a realtor today after he called me a "Mother Fucking Bitch" and threated me with, "I am going to knock your fucking head of your shoulders if you call me lazy one more time!" He said this all in the company of my 2 year old daughter. Thanks you fucking horror of a human being.
It all started this morning when I had to repeatedly wake him to do his part in raising his son. It is his responsibility on Thursdays to get the boy up and off to the bus stop. @ 0710 I said "You have to go wake The Boy." It took me about 2-4 times to get his ass out of bed to go do it. He went and woke The Boy, then promptly went back to bed. @ 0800 I hear The Boy say "Dad, it's time to leave." I had to, again, bug him about 3 times to get up to go. He came back from the bus stop and promplty returned to sleeping except now he was on the couch.
Now, I know you are thinking that he must have had a rough night or something. Actually he didn't. Went to bed around 2400 and slept like the dead until 0710, 0800 and then on the couch until 0929 when I began Bitch-mode. I admit, I was being a bitch. But, it was in honor of The Boy. Not, because of personal reasons.
The Boy has been gushing all week about how he can wait for Thursday because it is his Field Day where he gets to perform in sprints, hurdles, high-jump and other various competitive activities that the parents are invited to watch. He must have said to me 3-4 time about how he was glad that his Dad was going to be there. The events were to start @ 0930 and to last the remainder of the day.
So, when 0929 had rolled around and his Lazy-Ass was still laying on the couch snoring, I got angry. "GET UP! It's 0929!"
Asshole: "I am a grown man, I can do what I want."
Bitch (a.k.a.Me): "The Boy is expcting you to be there!"
Asshole: "It is an ALL day event, I don't have to go right now!"
Bitch: "Do you even realize how much it would mean to him if you were there for the start. He has been talking about it ALL week."
(Not, to mention if Asshole-Idiot put .0000000001864 seconds worth of thought into it, there is no shade and it would be more wise to go in the early moring when the sun isn't as strong and the temperature outside is more agreeable. I was not about to point this out to him)
Asshole: "It doesn't matter what time I get there as long as I go."
All I could do was imagine The Poor Boy standing there looking around for his Dad who said he would be there and the feelings of disappointment that were filling him. It was making me irate.
Well, I wouldn't shut up about it and Asshole finally dragged his Lazy-Ass off of the couch. As he was getting ready we were going back and forth and I had said to him that he was "So damn Lazy." He tried to tell me that I was lazy because I didn't wipe the crumbs off of the counter after I cleaned the dishes from the dinner HE made while I was at school. Irionic, no? I just laughed.
After a few more exchanges about how he thinks I am lazy and how my name is the synonym for "perfection" I reminded him that this isn't about ME, it is about The BOY, I gave him the finger and walked in the house.
Baby Girl was begging Asshole to go with him and he was having no part of it. Infact, he closed her in the garage becasue she wouldn't come in the house when he told her to go. She wanted to go with him. She loves him and wants to be with him.
I couldn't believe he did that to her.
He left the garage door open about a foot and then for some reason opened it back up to see me standing there with her. He said "well, are you coming?"
Bitch: "I have no desire to be around you right now."
He made some comment about Baby Girl and her not going in the house to which I said, "She has been standing here begging you to take her with you."
Asshole: "Well, this is The Boy's event." meaning he doesn't want to have to deal with her.
Bitch: "What does that have to do with her watching? She can't be there to watch?"
Asshole gets out of the truck and comes in the house all pissed off that he has to change her clothes and put her shoes on. I gathered her sun hat and an umbrella for her as he was doing this. He would have smeared sun screen all over her which she is allergic to. I couldn't expect him to think about something like a hat and umbrella. So, I made sure I got it for her.
As he is bitching about having to get her ready I told him he was Lazy again and that was when he went off with the name calling and threatening to hit me.
And as soon as he left I called the realtor. I'm thinking, he will be surprised as fuck when he gets home later this week and there is a "For Sale" sign in the lawn. See, after all, it is MY HOUSE. Therefore, I decide when it gets sold. And, NOW is the time.
He has no idea what he is up against. I have already applied for financial aid to universities in two other states (WI where my Mom lives, and IL where my Uncle lives) I have options.
I don't care if he wants to call me names and cuss me up and down. I don't care if he wants to perpetrate violence against me. But, I will be God Damned if that Mother Fucker thinks he will do that shit in front of Baby Girl. She does not deserve to see him treat me that way. It is more damaging to her that I can even begin to imagine.
So, later this week I will be meeting with the realtor, I will put the house up and when it sells I will go from there.
He just called me, or should I say had Baby Girl call me. She was saying things that he prompted her to say "Call me, come home, I'm sorry." She is too young to even know to say stuff like that.
I said to her "Baby, there is no reason for you to say sorry. Mama will see you after I am done with school. I love you, bye-bye, Baby" and hung up the phone. I want to cry. That shit pisses me off that he is having her do his talking.
He knows though. He knows he picked the wrong one to mess with like he did.
He keeps calling. I keep hitting "ignore".
I think I'll just turn it off altogether. I really have nothing to say to him.
Anyway, while he was gone I made her lunch and left it on the counter for her. I packed myself a lunch and am sitting in the computer lab at school. I left home 5.5 hours before my classes were to even start.
I have the strongest urge to just take her and run. I can't though. I need this degree. I have to, atleast, finish out this semester. I can't leave in the middle of it.
I usually end posts like this with "I HATE HIM"
But, hate really cheapens the feelings I have for Asshole. It is not strong enough to accurately express the way I feel about him.
00:57 - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
In Fairness...
I must inform e'ryones that I asked permission and was allowed to purchase a $190 king size comforter and duvet set. I had buyers remorse for almost a week and it took several conversations with various people to convince me it was ok.
One person pointed out that it was something for the house and not for a selfish/personal reason.
Another person pointed out that it was about damn time I got a nice looking comfortor especially since I only paid half the price as it was on sale from $380.
However, since I have decided that when I leave him, I am taking it with me... I can't say that the first comment made is applicable. Although, for the time being, it does improve this house that I share with Idiot.
So, I guess I should take back some of my rant about Idiot and the X-box since I got a really nice blankie and spent money, too.
I would also like to update about BEW. She called Idiot and told him she sent $200 towards The Boys care. Only $150 arrived but it was more than I ever expected from her. Bravo to her quasi step-up to the parenting plate.
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Monday, March 12, 2007
The Tortoise and the Hare
Category: Life
Once upon a time there was a hare who, boasting how he could run faster than anyone else, was forever teasing tortoise for its slowness. Then one day, the irate tortoise answered back: "Who do you think you are? There's no denying you're swift, but even you can be beaten!" The hare squealed with laughter.
"Beaten in a race? By whom? Not you, surely! I bet there's nobody in the world that can win against me, I'm so speedy. Now, why don't you try?"
Annoyed by such bragging, the tortoise accepted the challenge. A course was planned, and the next day at dawn they stood at the starting line. The hare yawned sleepily as the meek tortoise trudged slowly off. When the hare saw how painfully slow his rival was, he decided, half asleep on his feet, to have a quick nap. "Take your time!" he said. "I'll have forty winks and catch up with you in a minute."
The hare woke with a start from a fitful sleep and gazed round, looking for the tortoise. But the creature was only a short distance away, having barely covered a third of the course. Breathing a sigh of relief, the hare decided he might as well have breakfast too, and off he went to munch some cabbages he had noticed in a nearby field. But the heavy meal and the hot sun made his eyelids droop. With a careless glance at the tortoise, now halfway along the course, he decided to have another snooze before flashing past the winning post. And smiling at the thought of the look on the tortoise's face when it saw the hare speed by, he fell fast asleep and was soon snoring happily. The sun started to sink, below the horizon, and the tortoise, who had been plodding towards the winning post since morning, was scarcely a yard from the finish. At that very point, the hare woke with a jolt. He could see the tortoise a speck in the distance and away he dashed. He leapt and bounded at a great rate, his tongue lolling, and gasping for breath. Just a little more and he'd be first at the finish. But the hare's last leap was just too late, for the tortoise had beaten him to the winning post. Poor hare! Tired and in disgrace, he slumped down beside the tortoise who was silently smiling at him.
"Slowly does it every time!" he said.
Moral of the story: Slow and steady wins the race.
And in this race of mine, I am the tortoise and this situation I find myself in is the hare. I will continue to persevere and I will win in the end. I will not lose sight of my goals. I will continue to fight for what I believe is the best for me and my daughter and I will be happy again.
22:27 - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Even Though....
Category: Life
I could make a killing if Bitching paid because I have become deft at the art thereof... I have just not been able to muster the energy to apply myself to posting about Idiot and all of the daily behaivors/activities that remind me why I want out of this horribly miserable marriage.
So, in lieu of bitching I will inform.
I bought three new pairs of shorts for me, a battery operated bubble blower for Baby Girl and an umbrella for the family. The Boy was with BEW so, I didn't get him anything. Otherwise I woulda got him a toy, too. I still need a cute/sexy pair of camel colored sandals for the summer. The ones I bought broke last year as I was walking out of my class.... yeah, I must have looked hella smooth falling all over the place with my belongings going flying out of my arms as I landed on my ass.
My spring break is over and I am not ready to return to school. Seems I have hit an emotional low. I am going to blame it on my hormones.
14:30 - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Just When You Think Things Are Going Well...
Category: Life
This weekend has been amazingly low-key and lacking any real feelings of hatred. Well, until about 20 minutes ago.
Infact, things had been going so well that I was actually contemplating having sex with Asshole-Idiot. No, no, no, my humble readers, please, do not mistake cheap, meaningless sex with him for something that would mean I actually want to BE WITH him and that we would be making up. I am only human, you know. And, well....bad sex is sometimes better than no sex. But, now, Asshole-Idiot ain't getting NONE from me and I am about to wear down a couple of batteries, which is just fine by me. I still get mine.
Anyway, the story behind it all.
It was Baby Girl's bed time. I went to put her to bed and ...dee dee dee...forgot to put a diaper on her. Well, as soon as I laid her down she peed the bed. So, I called out to Asshole-Idiot to help her onto the potty so she could finish as I was busy changing her bedding and finding new PJ's for her to wear.
As she approached his bedroom, I was in the living room picking up the wet clothes she had just tore off and threw on the floor. I heard him say, "Jesus FUCK".
I was instantly IRATE.
Not only is it too much of a chore for him to help her pee, he has to swear infront of her too!
I said in a highly annoyed tone, "You know, maybe you should have just NOT got me pregnant, since being a father is too much for you to handle."
I grabbed some PJ's and went into the bathroom where he was with her and said, "I got this."
Asshole: "Don't talk to me like that infront of the kids."
Me: "Don't swear like that infront of her."
Asshole: "She didn't hear me."
Me: "I heard you in the living room and she was AT the bedroom door when you said it."
I grabbed her and went into her room, dressed her and put her down.
I walked back into the bedroom and he says, "It just seems like you always are asking me to do the stuff you don't want to do."
This is where I officially lost it. I became livid.
Me: "You know, I would have much rather sat in the bathroom and helped her pee while YOU delt with all the pissed on bedding and clothes. I REALLY didn't want to do that! As far as I am concerned YOU got the easy part of the deal."
I think it dawned on him how bad he just fucked up because he had no retort.
I went in the kitched and cleaned the dishes and threw in a load of laundry. When I was done I went into the room and grabbed my pillow and blanket and threw it on the sofabed I had already pulled out. I walked back to the room to shut the bedroom door. As I was kicking all of his CRAP out of the way so I could actually close the door, I hear him say, "I don't want the door shut."
I shut it anyway.
He got up and opened the door as I was trying to soothe baby girl because she peed on her favorite blanket and I had to give her the backup Sponge Bob blankie she loves.
I went back to shut the door and again he said, "I don't want the door shut." I said, "I really need some privacy right now." and, luckily for him, he left it alone, because if he opened that door again I was going to say something along the lines of "Thank you for reminding me why I can't stand you and want a divorce."
It sucks though cause I went to the park to play with Baby Girl and I was really hoping to get in a shower and shave tonight. But, that would mean I would have to be in the same room as him, and that ain't gonna happen. Maybe I can wait until his stupid-ass passes out.
GOD, I HATE HIM.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
I Suppose...
Category: Life
It would only be proper to open a blog with a title "A Diary of my Divorce" with a ranting bitch-fest.... However, the Goddess of Xanax and Sangria has shined her love-light upon me and blessed me with an "I don't give a fuck" attitude at the moment.
I have another lil' spot that I share some writings on that I was considering linking a new blog to.... but, that one is sacred and not deserving to be linked to something that I am sure to be an outlet for daily frustrations of my current situation.
This will be my second go at a bitch-fest. Here is my attempt at the first.
Amazing....how long I have been hating my situation. I just read the first post, which was made over a year ago...nothing has really changed. As I type this, I promise you, his underwear can be found behind the bathroom door, and he is still incapable of putting soap in the dishwasher when it is full. Why, just today I had to do it for him. I guess the concept is beyond his realm of comprehension.
I decided to start a new place to post about this part of my life since that blog was started with the thought in mind that I was going to stay for the sake of the children. Hence the title, "stuck in the middle with you". However, I told him just 2 days before the new year that I wanted out. I told him that I was not in-love with him and that there was no way that I ever could be. So, I am no longer feeling stuck between the rock and his hard head.
But, because the situation is what it is, we are going to remain living together for quite a while.... too god damn long if you ask me, but it is what I need to do to secure things for the kids.
Anyway, I am fighting the weight of my eye lids and I need to go check them for pin holes.
Have a good one and I'll be back to let you in on more when time permits.
Ciao
Category: Life
It would only be proper to open a blog with a title "A Diary of my Divorce" with a ranting bitch-fest.... However, the Goddess of Xanax and Sangria has shined her love-light upon me and blessed me with an "I don't give a fuck" attitude at the moment.
I have another lil' spot that I share some writings on that I was considering linking a new blog to.... but, that one is sacred and not deserving to be linked to something that I am sure to be an outlet for daily frustrations of my current situation.
This will be my second go at a bitch-fest. Here is my attempt at the first.
Amazing....how long I have been hating my situation. I just read the first post, which was made over a year ago...nothing has really changed. As I type this, I promise you, his underwear can be found behind the bathroom door, and he is still incapable of putting soap in the dishwasher when it is full. Why, just today I had to do it for him. I guess the concept is beyond his realm of comprehension.
I decided to start a new place to post about this part of my life since that blog was started with the thought in mind that I was going to stay for the sake of the children. Hence the title, "stuck in the middle with you". However, I told him just 2 days before the new year that I wanted out. I told him that I was not in-love with him and that there was no way that I ever could be. So, I am no longer feeling stuck between the rock and his hard head.
But, because the situation is what it is, we are going to remain living together for quite a while.... too god damn long if you ask me, but it is what I need to do to secure things for the kids.
Anyway, I am fighting the weight of my eye lids and I need to go check them for pin holes.
Have a good one and I'll be back to let you in on more when time permits.
Ciao
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Today's argument was over breakfast...
I'm not a big breakfast eater...
He was making breakfast for him and the kids.
I thought for a moment I wanted some eggs.
I went to the sink to wash one of the many pots and pans that he had managed to fith up the day before. When I reached in the sink and pulled out the sponge that smelled like complete and total asshole, I decided it wasn't worth it. I set it and the frying pan down and walked away. He began to pick a fight with me because I didn't want to wash a pan and I didn't really feel like eating.
Sorry, the stench from the sponge does that to me.
Had you listened to me just one of the 500,000,000,000,000 times that I have asked you to wring out the sponge and set it to dry so IT WON'T SMELL LIKE ROTTING ASSHOLE, maybe I wouldn't have lost my fucking appetite.
But, then again...what do I know?
On a side note....yesterday after he made dinner, he loaded the dishwasher. Bravo.
But, (and I knew he was going to do this because this is just his half ass way of life) he didn't put the soap in and run it. He said to me yesterday, "the dishwasher is full" as he was standing there loading the last of the dinner plates. I thought to myself, "Even though he NEVER EVER puts the soap in and runs the dish washer, I'm not going to tell him to put the soap in because he will either tell me I treat him like he is stupid or something and it will turn into a fight". So, I didn't say a word. And as par for the course.... he didn't put the soap in. SO now the sink is full of dirty dishes and pots and pan for me to clean.
I'm not a big breakfast eater...
He was making breakfast for him and the kids.
I thought for a moment I wanted some eggs.
I went to the sink to wash one of the many pots and pans that he had managed to fith up the day before. When I reached in the sink and pulled out the sponge that smelled like complete and total asshole, I decided it wasn't worth it. I set it and the frying pan down and walked away. He began to pick a fight with me because I didn't want to wash a pan and I didn't really feel like eating.
Sorry, the stench from the sponge does that to me.
Had you listened to me just one of the 500,000,000,000,000 times that I have asked you to wring out the sponge and set it to dry so IT WON'T SMELL LIKE ROTTING ASSHOLE, maybe I wouldn't have lost my fucking appetite.
But, then again...what do I know?
On a side note....yesterday after he made dinner, he loaded the dishwasher. Bravo.
But, (and I knew he was going to do this because this is just his half ass way of life) he didn't put the soap in and run it. He said to me yesterday, "the dishwasher is full" as he was standing there loading the last of the dinner plates. I thought to myself, "Even though he NEVER EVER puts the soap in and runs the dish washer, I'm not going to tell him to put the soap in because he will either tell me I treat him like he is stupid or something and it will turn into a fight". So, I didn't say a word. And as par for the course.... he didn't put the soap in. SO now the sink is full of dirty dishes and pots and pan for me to clean.
Friday, February 10, 2006
I don't get it. My dad has always been the bread winner in the family. My step-mom never worked. Yet, my dad helped around the house. He realized that my step-mom couldn't, nor should she have to, do it all on her own. I don't understand why my husband feels the need to bitch about helping out. Yesterday, I cleaned the bathrooms, did 3 loads of laundry, emptied the dish washer, did my homework, took care of my 16 month old daughter, fed dinner to and took my 8 year old son to baseball practice. I was a bit rushed before we left as I had to get the baby ready, make sure her bag was packed full of baby essentials, make sure my son was fed and dressed and go. I didn't have time to put the dishes in the dish washer and when we got home I was wiped-out and went straight to bed. I hear my husband start to curse and complain about the dishes in the sink. It amazes me how much of a slob this man was when I met him. He was, in one word, disgusting. Before I went back to school and before I had the baby, I was able to clean the house like a full time job. I had hardly any responsibilities other than making sure my son was taken care of. But now, I am not able to be a full time maid, as I am also a student and new Mama. He became used to a clean house and used to not having to do anything but come home from work and sit his ass on the couch and watch TV. I took care of all the cooking and cleaning. Now, that I need his help, I have to hear him bitch about it all the time. How frustrating.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Just ONE weekend, is all I would like. JUST ONE! One weekend with out me having to ask. With out him being pissed off that he has to participate in the rearing of his children. Shit man, damn! I know I am the stay-at-home-mom, but I am not a servant.
His shitty moods make me have shitty moods. I used to be happy and smile all of the time.
Now, sometimes I wonder if it would be better if we weren't together.
His shitty moods make me have shitty moods. I used to be happy and smile all of the time.
Now, sometimes I wonder if it would be better if we weren't together.
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